So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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