oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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