My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
