I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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