But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
