Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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Just high enough for therapy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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