I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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