PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.