the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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