There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
