where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
