She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
