I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
