It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
