hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
