A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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