There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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