She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
