Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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