Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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