Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
