Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
we should paint friendship bongs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
