I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
