how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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