two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
