Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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