you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
