I think my fart just growled at me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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