you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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