Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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