I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
