So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
