If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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