so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
