I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
