Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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