I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
