U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well you can't waste a boner
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
