i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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