im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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