Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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