I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
