I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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