why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
