heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I pour the whiskey from now on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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