oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
