He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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