at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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