3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
