My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
