This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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