No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
