I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize