areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
