She is in my trunk
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
