We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
