I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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