i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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