ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Enjoy the penises
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
