Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We are two peas in an std pod
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
