just come out here and I will go home with you...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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