THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
