You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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